哎呀

I installed 小红书 on my phone a while ago (during the TikTok ban era of about a day, but regardless, I never had TikTok so this is my community and I’m staying) — either marmots are trending or I’m the kind of person who likes marmots.

I didn’t realize that that was a kind of person. My feed is full of them, but I’m not complaining. It’s adorable — that and the cats and the rabbits.

This marmot is expressing all of my inner emotions right now. I’m sitting, looking out over the cliff, and all I see is nothing and my mind is empty because I’m a big rat and the only thing I really know how to do well is chew.

I’m pretty sure I’m slightly sick. Like, the germs are floating in the air and now my throat is really sore and I keep coughing and I have big bags under my eyes. Or maybe that’s because I’m a big rat. Could be either.

I have a circuits exam in less than twelve hours — I have to sleep overnight, wake up, caffeinate, take a shower and go real fast to go do the circuits, which is, at least, near the beginning of the semester, just kind of like nodal and mesh and some conservation of complex power — review from the first semester of circuits, plus j. I’m more concerned that I was visiting a friend at his apartment earlier today and he was showing me these dried out flowers and I kept saying “…they look dead…” and he was like “yeah, I dried them out and they’re supposed to smell nice” and I was like “yeah they smell nice but I think they’re dead” and he was like “that’s the point” and then I stared at them for a minute or so and wondered if, if I can’t even comprehend the magic behind dried out flower petals, how I’ll be able to stay focused for the length of a single circuits exam problem first thing tomorrow morning. I mean, at least I have a nice calculator now and pressing the buttons is satisfying enough to keep my rat brain occupied.

So, hopefully, all goes well in circuits exam. After that, all I need to do is find a job over the summer, find a place to live, find roommates, work out my next semester and class schedule… I’ve got some other projects going on…

…I don’t know, one of these times I’ll only be engaged with things I really care about. I’m still working on focus as a skill. I’m getting somewhere, I’m pretty sure.

As long as wherever I’m going isn’t off the edge of the rock, I’ll be okay.

I’m chilling here.

再見。

Image credit —

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Attribution: Inklein